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None of the negatively reviewed clinics were ones I was currently considering going to anyway which is somewhat reassuring I guess. One of the negative reviews was for a clinic called Chungdam U, known for doing work on quite a few "famous" ulzzangs. I actually briefly considering having a consultation there because I was really impressed with most of their B&As but decided to write them off due to the lack of English reviews and information. Seems like my gut feeling was right cause the girl who left the negative reviews got fucked up pretty badly. I hate that this happened she was a really big help while I was doing my research and I was so excited for her when she finally decided to go with Chungdam.
Money is another thing that's been eating at me lately. With the amount I'm gonna be using for this I could do so much. Move out, get a new car, school, go on my dream vacation etc. If I were to use the money for one of those things though I know I would regret not getting this done while I have the chance. I'm already kind of pissed at myself for not saving more diligently (gonna pretend I don't have a cart full of items @ asos, solestruck, UF...and two games pre-ordered at gamestop, true) Not going through with it when I had the chance would just drive me insane and I don't wanna live with more regrets, even if the surgery doesn't turn out as expected. Unless like half my face falls off but I'm confident that won't happen. I need to actually get organized and start getting a list ready of things I need to prepare for the trip, ranging from meds to take before and after the surgery to help healing and questions for my consultations.
Then there's the issue of actually telling people I'm getting work done. I used to be really conflicted with this. My mindset has gone from one extreme to the other. Just tell everyone straight up yes I got work done is there a problem with that?? want some my old nose shavings?? to just denying everything. deny deny deny deny YES my nose has always looked like this I just lost weight and got a haircut ok! I also toyed with telling people I walked into a door and broke my nose or I got surgery for "sinus" problems. That would just be pretty asinine though. I'm not gonna announce to everyone I know that I got work done but if they straight up ask me then yes I'll tell them. Awkward if this blog is found and spread before I go.
Right now only four friends know what I'm planning to do. I expected most of the reactions I got. Basically they were supportive but were really shocked that I was actually serious about this. It was a little tough bringing it up to three of them I didn't really know when would be the right time. I told two of them at dinner and the third when walking around the mall.
The fourth friend I've talked about fixing my nose with for a long time now so I don't think he was surprised? A while back when I mentioned it getting done in Korea he was a bit thrown off at first but still supportive, and not blindly supportive which I really appreciate. I don't think I'm gonna tell anyone else except for some of the friends I've met online, breaking the news will be easier for obvious reasons.
As for family only my parents and one of my cousins know. Cousin was cool with it of course I knew I could tell her easily (hi megan if u ever read this ilu). Parents reaction has been pretty awful. It was upsetting to them which is completely understandable but they don't understand why I want to do this and when I try to explain the conversation just goes in circles, it's beyond frustrating. Every time I try and bring it up the conversation usually goes nowhere. It tends to start off along with "oh, you still wanna do that?" like it's some phase I'm gonna get over despite first mentioning it to them over two years ago. When they found out I plan to get it done in Korea things just went worse. I don't think they believe that I've been doing research and pay dust to everything I say. They literally googled "bad Korean surgery" and emailed me the first three links I mean.......I could go on but I'm just getting angry now.
It's easier talking to my Dad about it since he's more clam. Last talk we had about it he really wanted me to reconsider getting it done in Korea and go for someone in Canada instead but my mind has already been made up. I know they will get over it eventually, but it has to be soon cause I'm gonna have to book my flight and accommodation in the next few months then finalize the times for my consultations and after that there's no turning back.
Lastly, work has been stressing me out a bit lately. I really do like my job at h&m, it's typical shitty retail but my co-workers and managers make it bearable. The customers also aren't that bad it's heaven compared to other locations like Vaughan Mills. The best manager I've ever had is transferring to a new store in Manitoba sometime in June which really sucks and lots of people are planning to leave by summer. Some of it has to do with going away for school and others just cause they can't take it anymore. The store is pretty unorganized and chaotic right now. Last Saturday a co-worker walked out and quit on the spot. It's not like he was new to this also he had this job for 3 years.
A ZARA is expected to open at the mall I work at sometime in the summer and I'm kind of eyeing that. I love ZARA's clothes more than h&m but ZARA has a really shitty employee discount. I also have no idea how the company operates and how my co-workers will be. I can't speak for other locations but ours is really lax when it comes to booking days off and trading shifts. I also love how h&m allows you to wear basically anything meanwhile you have a uniform at ZARA. That isn't necessarily bad since they aren't ugly and I'm used to uniforms thanks to high school but it would definitely be a pain. I'll just have to wait and see how things go. Even if everyone quits and things get progressively worse I'll hold on until I leave for Korea.
It's a good thing I waited a while and didn't do this entry when "wounds" were fresh or else this would have probably resembled a journal entry on Gaia Online circa 2004. I dunno why I can only write these at like 5am but damn I kind of want to ramble more. Hopefully this means I'm one step closer to emulating Courtney Love's LEGENDARY MYSPACE ESSAYS.
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